3 Ways to Overcome Fear, Failure, and Self-Doubt

In 2011, I started an online clothing company called Krissy’s Klozet.  It started out as a hobby, not really thinking that it would go anywhere, other than me selling a few clothes out of my closet to make a few extra bucks.  I was in graduate school at the time, and I wanted to use the money that I earned to help me along the way.  Krissy’s Klozet started to pick up and I actually had some real life customers LOL, I was shocked that it was actually people out there that wanted to buy from me. The reason why I was shocked is because I didn’t really believe in my ability to actually have a sustainable business and to have real customers that truly liked my product offerings.  Crazy right?  Just think about how me thinking in that way and having that skewed mindset held me back!

I was so inconsistent with how much I posted on social media, how much I updated my site with new products and basically everything else in life SMH.  It wasn’t like I didn’t have good products, everybody loved it, BUT I wasn’t consistent!  And when you’re not consistent and you don’t even believe in your brand, who else is gonna believe in you?  That held me back a lot; I was fearful of being successful for some odd reason.  I didn’t really wanna put myself out there because I’ve always been shy and introverted and I didn’t wanna let people into my world.  Krissy’s Klozet was a [short lived] success.  I just wish that I was as focused back then as I am now.  But I guess everything happens for a reason.  Without Krissy’s Klozet, there would have been no DFBG.  I’m super grateful for all of those experiences and mistakes that I’ve made along the way because I’m using those as fuel to power what I’m doing with DFBG.

Earlier this year, just out of nowhere, this idea for DFBG just popped in my head and I ran with it! At that point, I had already started to change my mindset about how I felt about myself, how I felt about being successful and my ability to do anything that I wanna do.  You literally can do anything that you wanna do in life, as long as you have the mindset to go along with it! Once I made it up my mind that I was sick and tired of just existing, it was murder she wrote after that.  To see this idea come out of my head and just grow as much as it’s grown so far is amazing. That’s all because I made up my mind that I was not going to let fear or self doubt hold me back ANYMORE!

I wanted to share some of the things that have gotten me through those tough periods of fear and self doubt that I experienced.  Here are a few ways that we can overcome those experiences and banish them out of our lives for good!

Make up your mind!

You have to wake up and just say “I’m sick, I’m sick of thinking like this, I’m sick of letting fear hold me back from fulfilling what I wanna do!”  A lot of times, we have this stinking thinking and it cripples us so much.  There are people that have been laying in their death beds who have been so regretful because they didn’t really live to their fullest potential.  Who wants to live like that for the rest of their lives?  NO ONE!  If there’s anything that you have been trying to pursue and had some failures along the way, get back up and try again!  Don’t let the past hold you back! When you make up your mind, you have to define your goals.  What do you want to accomplish? You have to know what that is.  Make a list of all of your goals and make it up in your mind that you are, without a doubt, going to accomplish all of these things! You have to dive all in and fully commit to this.  Commit fully to yourself that you’re gonna do this by any means necessary!  No one can hold you back except yourself.  A lot of times, we’re our biggest enemies.  We hold ourselves back from accomplishing these things and then we’re regretful years down the line because we’re like “why didn’t I take that opportunity?”  You have to plant the seed of the dream inside of you and then nurture that seed so that it grows every single day; you have to be doing something towards accomplishing your goals.  The smallest thing can make your dreams blossom.  All it takes is you showing up and doing the work.

Detach yourself from your fears.

As humans, we’re always going to experience feelings of fear and self doubt at times because it is a normal human emotion.  Make it up in your mind that although you have these fears, you’re not gonna let them control you. You’re in control of what happens.  Just acknowledge that fear because you can’t just avoid it, that’s not gonna help anything. Acknowledge that the fear exists and then you tell that fear “I’m not gonna let you hold me back and control me, I have things to accomplish!” That fear will begin to go away!  All you have to do is just jump right in.  Once you are actually doing it (whatever you said you were gonna accomplish), you’ll start to ease up and get more confident of your ability to fulfill your goal.

A lot of times we make up these scenarios in our minds of things that most likely will never happen; we think the worst in situations.  We have to think positive in these situations instead.  Go into the situation thinking “I’m going to conquer this thing, I got this!”  I know from experience that this is very hard to do, but one day you have to just make it up in your mind that you’re no longer gonna let it consume you.  Look fear in the face, take a deep breath, and keeping moving through that fear.  That fear is gonna fuel you to build your confidence even more, once you overcome.

Change your attitude about failures.

Being successful does not come easy.  You have to go through some things in order to reach that level of success that you envisioned for yourself.  You have to change your attitude about failure and by doing that, you’re not looking at it as a negative thing.  With being successful, setbacks are inevitable.  It’s always gonna be some challenge that arises along the way on your journey to success and you have to decide if you’re gonna let it defeat you or if you’re gonna keeping pushing through and learn from that failure/mistake.  With Krissy’s Klozet, if I didn’t make all of those mistakes along the way, I wouldn’t have known how to attack DFBG going in.  Redefine failure. See failure as you collecting information about how to do things in the future.  When we’re going through these experiences, they’re just building our confidence levels to new heights! All we gotta do is get back up, dust ourselves off and try again (shoutout to babygirl Aaliyah).  All of us make mistakes, it’s just about what you’re going to do when that mistake happens that determines your level of success.

So do this: allow yourself to make mistakes, learn along the way, and then press forward because those times are gonna be what makes you stronger in the end.  Once you get over those hurdles, you’re gonna be like “I can accomplish anything, that’s it? That was nothing!  I was scared for no reason!”  YOU GOT THIS!  All you gotta do is just put your mind to it and JUST DO IT!

“Fear is only your leader if you allow it to be.”

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Now let’s talk about it. Have you let fear and self-doubt hold you back from accomplishing what you want to? Sound off in the comments, I wanna hear from you!

P.S. If you thought that this was insanely awesome or made you think about someone that you know, please share this with them!

The #1 Limiting Belief Holding You Back From Being Successful

Photo Cred: She Lives Deliberately

I literally don’t have it in me to write this right now. For some reason, I haven’t been in the mood to do any work lately. I’ve been coming into the office every night dragging and wasting precious time while hopping on Instagram every chance I get. However, through these rough times, I have managed to pull myself together and get to work. Even though it’s been tough to maintain my consistency, I’ve decided to show up each and every single time.

Has it always been this way? Nah bruh. At one point in time, I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago. I haven’t always been able to give myself a pep talk and do what I needed to do in order to make things happen so easily. There was one type of limiting belief in particular that held me back.

ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING

First, let’s discuss what a limiting belief actually is. (Self) limiting beliefs are those negative things that you believe about yourself. These beliefs hold you back because you are placing limitations on what you can be and your abilities. These beliefs aren’t your reality, which makes it possible to get rid of them if you really want to.

Back to all-or-nothing thinking. Let me break it down to you. Everything from your own personal view of yourself to your view of your life experiences, is divided into black or white terms. With this way of thinking, you’re either a success or you’re a failure. You’re either rich or poor. You’re smart or you’re dumb. There’s no in between. No gray areas.

This was very problematic for me. If I wasn’t seeing almost immediate results, I felt like a failure and would just give up. I was either all in or all out. This was in every area of my life–weight loss efforts, entrepreneurship, financially, everything. I was putting these extreme “perfect” demands on myself that were totally unrealistic, which made me to continually feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and pessimistic. I had little motivation to keep going until I was successful.

One day, I realized that this was extremely unhealthy and that if I didn’t make any changes ASAP, then I wouldn’t make any type of progress in my life. I would ultimately end up a miserable old hag if I continued thinking and operating this way.

So how did these changes take place?

I simply started to focus on the positive in every situation. No it didn’t happen overnight; changing old ways of thinking takes a ton of hard work and determination. You’ve literally been thinking this way for years so change will definitely take time to achieve. You have to remove the pressure that you’re putting on yourself and take small baby steps everyday towards whatever it is that you’re trying to accomplish. By taking small steps, you’re going to end up putting forth more of an effort and getting more done. Stop trying to do everything, which almost always ends with you doing nothing instead. Stop defining “failure” by those minor setbacks that are bound to happen. Define your success by showing up and doing the work, regardless of what happens. Every single day.

Here’s a few way’s you can change this mindset.

Start by identifying when you are thinking in an “all or nothing” way.

Being aware of your thoughts and how they impact your actions is the first step in changing.  When you are able to recognize these thoughts, it’s a good idea for you to start tracking them.  You could start a journal so that you’ll be able to have them all down in one place.

Challenge those beliefs.

You have to challenge those belief patterns every time they arise and think of ways that you can make changes.  For example, saying “I’m not able to save much money so I’m not going to save any at all.”  Work on changing this way of thinking by saying “Even though I’m not able to save much money right now, I’ll save what I can.”  Remember every little bit counts.  By thinking this way, you will start to change your actions little by little.  You’ll start by saving a small amount such as $1, and work your way up from there.

Be patient.

You’ve most likely been thinking this way for years so it’s not going to be a cake walk working towards change.  You can’t get frustrated because it’s not happening fast enough for you or because you can’t seem to stop thinking this way.  It’s going to take a while to shift your mindset, so please be patient, kind, and committed to yourself.

Now let’s talk about it. Do you have any self limiting money beliefs? Be honest now and sound off in the comments, I wanna hear from you!

P.S. If you thought that this was insanely awesome or made you think about someone that you know, please share this with them!