Man, I used to feel like a lil’ punk when it came to saying “no” to people. Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been a people pleaser, like afraid to speak up for myself and to say no and to set healthy boundaries within my interpersonal relationships. It has gotten me into a lot of trouble! As it relates to finances, not being able to tell your friends and family “no” can be very detrimental to your financial goals. So like I said, every time someone would hit me up,
Random Friend: “You trying to do this? You trying to do that?”
[Knowing I don’t have the money, I would still try to go.]
Debt Free Black Girl: Sure, let’s do it!
I would still try to find a way to please these people and do these things that I didn’t really wanna do! And then I’ll just end up in the “hole” and miserable, all because I couldn’t say no to that person.
Now, fast forward to today, I’ve learned the importance of saying no and sticking up for yourself. I’ve had a few instances recently where I was really battling with my decision making and what I should say to this person and blah, blah, blah. But I grew the “balls” to tell them no. Don’t be afraid to tell people,
“Look that doesn’t fit into my budget, I can’t do this, I can’t do that so I would appreciate it if you would stop hittin my line trying to get me to come with you cuz’ I’m not coming!”
“No, I don’t wanna go to the club, brunching, happy hour, Shopping, out to eat tonight”
Like, I have goals in mind and I will achieve these goals all by saying no! N-O it’s not that hard, say it with me,
Let’s do better! Setting healthy boundaries within your relationships, it’s nothing wrong with that. Actually, it makes your relationships healthier and stronger and that person would be able to trust you more because you’re honest and upfront from Day 1. They will respect you more, they won’t try to come outta pocket with anything. They’ll be like “oh she said this, this, and this, and she really meant it!” Stick to these boundaries; don’t say one thing one day and then the next day you’re going against what you said. No, you have to be consistent across the board! People will not take you seriously if you’re flip floppin’ all over the place from decision to decision. So just be up front, “no, I don’t wanna hangout with you today and this is why…”
[well you kinda don’t really owe them an explanation]
Also, setting boundaries and saying no to people close to you makes them look at you and go, “Hmmmm. Maybe she’s on to something here! Maybe I need to be more like that.” So just think about it, you can be such an inspiration to those close to you without you even realizing it. You have major influence over your family and friends, so use that influence for something positive.
Time to recap. Here’s a few steps that you can take to be the boss that you are and say a firm “no” without any regrets or hesitation.
You can tell them no in a firm and direct manner without offending them. Don’t worry about what they may think about you or if you come off a certain way. Saying something like, “that sounds cool but I can’t come out with you tonight” won’t hurt you; you’ll only be more empowered to turning something down more often! Keep it short and sweet, they don’t have to know the reason as to why you’re saying no. And you better not apologize to them for saying no either! Be authoritative (you see what I did here 😂).
Think it through.
You don’t have to respond to an invitation or other engagement right away. Let it sit for a lil minute. Sometimes, without even realizing it or thinking about it, we respond to someone with a “yes” all quick and willy nilly. Then we think about it later and be like, “do I really wanna do this? No I don’t, so why did I tell them yes?” If you take time before giving them a response, this will give you more confidence to say NO from the jump.
They’ll still love you.
Just because you’re turning down an invite or saying no to helping them out somehow doesn’t mean that you’re rejecting them as a person. So don’t feel bad. People are far more understanding than you may think!
Set those boundaries and stick to them.
Like I mentioned earlier, people can’t do anything but respect you for putting boundaries in place. We need healthy boundaries to thrive; set the tone early on and stick to your guns. Stay strong and trust me, you will be that much more pleased with yourself for doing so. Instead of being a people pleaser, channel that into pleasing yourself more often. Stay true to you!
Even after you’ve said “yes”, it’s ok to change your mind and say NO.
You don’t have to stick to that yes if it’s something that you really don’t wanna or need to do. You are totally able to change your mind whenever you feel like it without any guilt about it.
Now let’s talk about it. Do you have a problem with saying “no” to your family and friends? How does saying “no” make you feel? Instead of people pleasing, what can you do to empower yourself more often? Sound off in the comments, I wanna hear from you!
P.S. If you thought that this was insanely awesome or made you think about someone that you know, please share this with them!